Category Archives: migraine

Identity Crisis, or “Real” Food vs. “Weird” Food

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This last year has been crazy. I couldn’t have predicted this. At all.

February 2012: “My position was eliminated” after 3.5 years of hard work. We went up to Washington State for three weeks to see if being at sea level in a cloudy climate helps my husband’s migraines. Found out that it helps his head about 40%. It’s the largest difference we’ve found so far. We also put our house up on the market.

March 2012: Moved back to Utah to live with family. I thought this would last a few months, but we’re still here.

April 2012: I got a part-time job teaching English online to students (mostly children) in Spanish-speaking countries. I LOVE IT.

November 2012: My husband’s “position was eliminated.” We also got an offer on our house! We’re in the short sale process, so it’s taking a long time. It’s still going on. We’re hoping to close by the end of February 2013. My husband is looking hard for work, but nothing has worked out yet.

As I’m sure you can imagine, having my life turned upside down means that I really have to re-evaluate who I am and what my values are. It’s been a long and arduous process, and it’s not over yet! This blog has undergone some changes, too! It initially started out as a way for my extended family to understand my Celiac and food allergies, became an attempt to have a gluten-free wedding planning business, then to product reviews, then to….jam.

As I’ve been figuring myself out and what I want to do with this blog, I’ve realized that I no longer let my life revolve around gluten. I am still 100% gluten-free. As I was trying to build a business, though, I just became overwhelmed by the hard-core gluten-free and allergy folks.

3 1/2 years after diagnosis, I really don’t spend a lot of brain power on gluten-free. Seriously. After the hours it took to go grocery shopping the first couple of times, I never thought eating gluten-free would be intuitive, and yet — here I am. It’s so intuitive that I occasionally FORGET to tell servers at restaurants that I have to eat gluten-free. Crazy, right?

Then I thought about what I could do with this blog that those hard-core folks out there can’t provide. They are recipe-creating masters! They have every bit of advice that a newly-diagnosed Celiac or gluten intolerant person could ever dream of needing. They’re activists, always fighting the good fight against gluten and allergy ignorance. They’re writers. I felt like there wasn’t anything I could contribute. I don’t have kids that need dinner 5 minutes ago. I’m not even working full-time. I don’t eat organic, well, pretty much anything.

Then I realized: I can promote real food. For me, real food is peace. It’s love. It’s life. It’s intertwined with life. It’s part of a balance. It doesn’t define me, just like I’m not defined by any single aspect of my life. It’s a big part of my identity, sure, but it’s not everything.

So — real food. Tonight, I made an almond bundt cake.

Almond bundt cake

Almond bundt cake

It consists of almond flour, brown rice flour, baking soda, salt, olive oil, water, agave nectar and (pure) maple syrup. That’s it. That’s all. Just this week, I’ve made turkey piccata, twice-baked sweet potatoes, pad thai, a “south american” pork dish involving quinoa, coconut milk, turmeric, ginger, cloves, and a tomato-apricot chutney. (I’m missing a few ingredients because I’m listing them off the top of my head, but they’re all real ingredients, too.) Tonight was turkey chili with rice. Pumpkin cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Ginger wheels (softer than snaps). A pear spice cake made with teff (and to DIE for. I would have made that tonight instead of the almond bundt cake, but I didn’t have any fresh, ripe pears).

For me, real food is worth it. I don’t spend the extra money on organic stuff (unless that’s the only way it comes, like some of the flours). I just make real food with real ingredients. I haven’t been to cooking school, and I’m definitely not a photographer. I just like to cook, and document what I cook, and work it into my life. Even though I never could have anticipated that we’d be living with my parents at this point in life, I LOVE cooking for all of us.

I am grateful for having been diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Yes. I AM GRATEFUL. Without the diagnosis, I never would have discovered quinoa. Or almond flour. Or coconut kefir. Or teff. Or how much FUN it is to make JAM! Or the best pumpkin cookies on earth that also happen to be gluten-free and vegan. Or that pancakes and waffles are not the only uses for maple syrup! Or agave nectar. Or tamari. YUM.

Are almond, teff, brown rice, sorghum, tapioca, garbanzo, rice, amaranth, etc. etc. etc. “weird” flours compared to just boring old flour? Yes. Are they nutritious? Most of them. :)  Are they healthy? Yes! Are they real? Absolutely. Run a Google search on teff flour. Run a Google search on quinoa. Try making a stir-fry, but instead of serving it with rice, serve it with quinoa. IT’S SO GOOD. Run a Google search on tamari. It has a darker, richer flavor than soy sauce, and I LOVE IT. Even if I could, I would never go back to regular ol’ soy sauce.

Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking with me, and if you need any help, please let me know! I’m only an e-mail away. I’m happy to help with shopping or cookbook recommendations or anything at all. cinderellaspear (at) gmail.com. If you’d like to join me on Facebook or Instagram, send me an e-mail. I’m not-so-inclined to add people I don’t know when anybody can read my blog.

Also, if there’s anything you’d like me to cover on the blog, let me know!

Thanks for reading,

Cristina

The Emotional Journey of Pain

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It’s painful to be laid off under extremely challenging circumstances, and to know that the pay and insurance I’ve enjoyed the last 3 1/2 years is ending very soon.

It’s painful to keep applying and applying and applying, have interviews on a regular basis, but not have a new job yet.

It’s painful to have purchased a house a year ago (which is a stressful process in and of itself), only to be trying to sell it now since between the two of us, we just can’t keep it up.

It’s painful that the house hasn’t sold yet, with the aforementioned job ending.

It’s painful to know that my husband feels better in the Northwest, but that we don’t have jobs there yet (and, for that matter, an apartment).

With all of these, there are HUGE timing issues.

Yet, all this looks like nothing when I put it next to my cousin being diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia (in January) and my mom’s cousin (same side of the family) having just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer this week.

This combination of events has really pulled the carpet out from under me. I have questioned so many of the things I’ve learned and taken for granted over the years. I’ve had a tough time returning calls and e-mails, preferring instead to try to hide until it’s all over. People I care about who care a lot about me ask me questions I can’t answer.

I’ve been very fortunate in my choice of spouse. He’s been wonderful, supportive and sweet, and we’ve gotten to know each other a lot better. We both have great parents.

I have the chance to recreate myself, to start over, to re-evaluate my boundaries and values. It’s interesting, scary, saddening and exciting. That’s just for starters, and in the last 60 seconds.

I wish I could take my magic wand and heal the cancer patients. I wish I could tap my husband’s head with that magic wand and cure his headaches. I wish I could make the pain go away and settle my life and emotions.

Instead, I think and pray, think and pray, and think some more. I do sudoku. I read. (The Hunger Games, in Spanish, if you’re curious.) I think and pray some more. I start redefining who I am, what I value, and what my boundaries are. Sometimes I’m able to take several steps forward, and sometimes I slip several more back. I weigh pros and cons, and then I question the measure.

It’s hard, but I’m growing. I still can’t answer any questions, but I know there’s a plan, and I know the pieces will fall into place someday. Hopefully that day will be soon, but it’s not in my hands. Not really. I can apply for jobs and apply for jobs, but thinking and praying is about all I can do after that.

To those who care about us and have helped us, thank you. To all of you who read my blog, thank you. Your love, prayers and thoughts are felt and appreciated.

 

 

Migraines and Washington, or Why I’ve Been Missing in Action

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I have been missing in the online world. Haven’t been blogging, and have been spending minimal time on Facebook and Twitter. A lot has been going on in my life, but now I have something that resembles a plan.

The Background:

In May of 2009, I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. Over the July 4th weekend, we went up to Idaho to spend the holiday with my family. We came back that Sunday, and in the middle of the night, I got up to go to the bathroom. Just as I was almost back to sleep, my husband got up, too. I heard a loud, long, extended clatter in the kitchen of our small, one-bedroom apartment. Half-asleep, I called out, “Honey, are you ok??” No response. So I got up, went out to the kitchen to find my husband standing by the kitchen table, holding a mug of water, and wiping blood from his nose. I asked him if he was okay, and he responded that he thought he’d fallen down.

“You fell down?!”

“I think I’m just dehydrated. Some water should help.”

He took a step toward the kitchen sink and passed out again, hitting his head on the sink. (Have I mentioned he’s really tall?) He was only out for a few seconds, but didn’t remember anything between me calling out from the bedroom, and me hovering over him, asking, “Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?” So…we called the paramedics. He went to the ER and did every test imaginable, but everything came back normal. Ever since then, though, he’s had a migraine. Not kidding. On a really good day, at the best part of the day, his pain is at a 3 (out of 10). Most of the time, it’s higher than that.

The Struggle:

We have tried SO many things, to little or no avail. We consider ourselves VERY lucky that he’s able to work full time, with a wonder drug called amitriptyline. We have paid lots of money in trying different medications, different combinations of medications, and many other things.

For Christmas 2010, we went out to his grandmother’s house, which is in the very northwest part of Washington State. We had a great time, but the most miraculous thing was how good he felt! It’s the best I’ve seen my husband feel in 2 1/2 years. We were at sea level, the sky was cloudy, it was warm, and the air was clean. I cried on the way back to SEATAC. I did NOT want to come home to the inversion gunk in the air and my husband feeling terrible again, but back we came.

In February 2011, we bought a house. We love our house. Unfortunately, though, my husband has been getting worse, making taking care of the house and the yard very difficult. Washington has always been on the back burner of my mind, with a big “what if??” What if we moved there? Would he feel better more of the time? Was that just a fluke, since it was Christmas and he wasn’t working and was around family?

We talked about it extensively over Christmas, and decided that when he went to his checkup with his neuro-ophthalmologist just after the holidays, we would ask her. (She’s one of the three neuro-ophthalmologists in the Intermountain West.) When we got to the appointment, she asked us before we could ask her!

I told her about Christmas, and she was very interested in that. She said that altitude can really strongly affect migraneurs sometimes, and that it would be worth trying it again to see if it was just a fluke, or if he could feel better being at sea level.

That was what we needed.

The Decisions:

1- We will try the experiment, because it’s worth it! His grandma is being so kind to let us come stay with her. Both of our families have been amazing and so understanding.

2- We are selling our house. We’re very sad about this, because we LOVE our house, we LOVE our neighbors, we LOVE our ward, we LOVE the area. It’s beautiful. Wonderful people. (Seriously — I mentioned at church that my husband wasn’t there because he’d made the “mistake” of shoveling the driveway. Since then, some neighborhood angel has been clearing our walks and driveway. THANK YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE.)

3- If going to Washington works, we will move there. I am ready to move on with my life. If he doesn’t feel ALL the way better, that’s okay — as long as he feels a LOT better. We are both ready for him to be more functional than he is, even though we’re both grateful he can at least work full time.

4- If Washington doesn’t work and we end up staying here, we are still selling our house and buying a condo or renting an apartment that doesn’t require yardwork. Our realtor is amazing, and she will be taking care of some house things while we’re gone.

Life change is never easy, and this has been no exception. It’s been a lot of thinking, a lot of talking, and a lot of praying. I believe that God has been guiding us, and looking out for us. I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who loves us and supports us. I really can’t tell you how much it means to me. It’s a little overwhelming (in a good way).

Please pray for us and send good thoughts our way as we make these preparations and as we travel. It’s an exciting adventure, and I’m really looking forward to it.

NaBloPoMo: Star Trek and Migraines

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Today’s prompt is to talk about how we envision health activism in the future, and I’m taking this topic and dedicating it to my husband.

I have a confession: I like both Star Trek and Star Wars. Make what judgments you will, but I thoroughly enjoy both of them, for completely different reasons. Always have. (Except Star Wars, Episodes I, II and III. Those I can do without.)

My husband has had a perma-migraine for the last two and a half years or so. The pain will get worse or get better, but it’s always there. It affects his life and work, and affects us as a couple.

It’s difficult, as his wife, to watch. There are so many things he used to be able to do that he can’t. There are other things that he can still do but are a lot harder. We’ve become professional at being last-minute. There are events we would really like to go to, and we’ll try to make it, but we may end up having to bail.  Those who spend a lot of time around us know that it’s nothing personal.

He’s seeing the best neurologist/neuropthalmologist in the region, and they’re working together to try to figure it out, but they’re not there yet. It’s tough to watch him go through test after test, try medication after medication (and in different combinations), without something really providing significant relief.

Circling back to Star Trek, I’ve always loved their ability to almost instantly heal essentially any malady that finds itself in the Sick Bay in mere minutes. You know someone is really sick or injured when it takes longer than that.

I would love someday for someone to be able to point a small, hand-held device at my husband’s head, run it the length of his head a few times, and say, “Okay! You’re good!” and no more headaches. Even if he had to go in once a month, but then have 30 pain-free days? I’d love it.

Beverly Crusher…we’re waiting for you!! Any time now…